SPIRAL WORLD

My Lavellan Inquisitor at the tavern with Dorian.

Circles

Those times when you suddenly feel sad.
I don't know if there was any trigger, but I just feel really blue.

edit: I just had a stray thought.
I've kind of been an emotional brick for the past year. Focus on myself, don't engage in any emotional drama, avoid it at all costs. It's so draining for me. I can't even be around happy people, its very exhausting.
But now... is drawing more and engaging in my feelings...
asking myself "what's my mood right now?"
does this make me sad? Or am I aware that I'm always kind of sad.
I think about death a lot. Not my own, but in general. Cycles of life, etc.

I know this is a bit fucked up, but ever since I was an early teen, I figured I'd die by the age of 30.
Or possibly even take steps to ensure it happens.
When I was 15, another 15 years felt like a very long time. Maybe it's only now that I feel my age creeping up on me, like I only have 5 years left to live that I feel like I've been wasting my time. I've accomplished little in my life. I can't get everyone to like me. I can't get the people who don't like me to change their minds.
Am I a burden to the ones around me?
Do I even care?
I've started asking myself these questions again. I used to think like this while I was drawing frequently. Maybe by drawing daily I've tapped into my old sadness.
Sigh. I've always been a bit pathetic. I'm not all sad. I find my happiness here and there and it gets me through tomorrow. But sometimes, I don't know, I forget. And then nothing matters anymore.

Tsuki no Kaasu

When reinstalling SAI onto my new computer, I think I used a different install file.
Whatever version I'm using now doesn't give me the option to duplicate a layer. It's a minor feature, but one I'd gotten used to when trying to "blur" lines. I wanted Soubi's scars to glow in this doodle. Alas.

Can't Stop

^Crow from East of West.

I'm really not one for drawing hands. Ugh. Look at those udon noodles.
Here's another unfinished Crow sketch I did today.
I wanted to do something super simple in black and white, and Crow was the first thing to come to mind.

I think I focus on faces too much and then neglect everything else. hmm.

michiyuki

I'm so rusty that I forgot how to manage layers.

ha.

Getting back into drawing is difficult. But gradually I feel the old rhythm of it returning. It's not how it once was, so I've been practising drawing the old muses. Loveless.
I accidentally marathoned the enitre season of it in a day, a gigantic distraction while I was organising my hard drives on my new PC. Sigh. I got curious about the show again when I was looking for comics to buy on Book Depository and bought the first two volumes.

Still a super cute show. I used to connect with Ritsuka so much. Now, barely.
Makes me feel grown up, yey.

So in more artly news, the past few days I've been fooling around in Black Ink. I bought it a while ago, but hallo, thank you new PC, I can finally run it properly. It's an interesting program, the main feature of it would be the brushes and the amount of customization it allows you. Getting used to new programs is always trying, but doing this while I'm rusty is. reh.

I should document the new scribbles I've been doing but damn is uploading anything to DA a painful process. It's so time consuming.
Complain. Whine.

Lock 'n Load

カイネ _ 救済

mellow

Oh my gosh, I did it.
I posted something on-time.