Ghosts Again

 

only medusa heard my prayer.

Medusa has morphed into something I need to turn to, kind of? 
i was treated badly for years, and i was silent as stone about it. i fought back and am seen as a monster, when i would argue the one who did it is the true monster.

something like that.

i just bought the perpetual license for clip studio paint. I've been doodling around for a couple of hours, it's going to take some getting used to - but it's fantastic. the breadth of options, my gosh. maybe it's just cause i'm coming from years of using just SAI to do everything that it's mindblowing to me. i like the EFFECTS brushes! MANGA EFFECTS. the bishounen-loving 15year old within me is RATTLING in her cage. 

Seriously though, by the end of the week I need to have a Redbubble update. 
Still no word back on my AC fan art submission. Fingies crossed, man.

Confide in Me

 Lots of music video inspo this year. I had the idea jotted down in my sketchbook to do stylised drawings of all of Kylie's different appearances in the video clip for Confide in Me.
I'm trying not to be too hard on myself for how this turned out. I keep wanting everything to look amazing, but I end up feeling so disappointed with how it takes shape. I think I need to focus on figure drawing and speed sketches. I'm so concerned about how long it takes me to draw anything, so I think I need to try focusing on speed.

in redbubble news, I saw the list of affiliate IPs for fanart had been updated - it now lists Assassin's Creed! I fixed up and made adjustments and resizes to some old Ezio pixels I did years ago. Uploaded, tagged and awaiting approval. Hopefully it brings a bit of attention to my store!

I need to work on some designs to add...

I've had a sketch for Unown designs for a Pokemon Gold and Silver poster I've been wanting to do. I think I came up with the sketches while procrastinating on working on the wedding invite stuff? Well, i'm putting a pin in those designs. Only working on printable stuff. Because. Anything I upload to redbubble, especially if its fanart, I wave the rights to. I'm the creator but not the owner anymore. I'm really attached to these Unown designs so.... I'm going to keep them as mine haha. If I reach a point where I want to print and sell my own stuff, that's when I might bust them out. In the meantime, I have to build my portfolio of designs. In the coming weeks I have to work on self-promo things. bleh. embarrassing and cringe.

Recap of where I am:

Tumblr - the showoff blog, has the most regular updates.
Cara - doodles and sketches, with the occasional thing I'm proud of. Maybe to promote work? Maybe I should network?

Where I should establish:

Facebook? - I'd be able to share updates with people who I know by sharing updates to my personal profile. Then again, I'd just be making a facebook page to avoid spamming my personal contacts, so what's the point. gosh i dunno, again this is the embarrassing part. 
Insta? - The data scraping with no opt-out option is very concerning. Maybe if/once they allow for opt-out I will reconsider. 

I've been mentally prepping and forcing myself to understand that once I upload an image ANYWHERE, that its use is out of my hands. I can't control its use, so I have to emotionally let go of what I create. It's still mine, but not entirely anymore. That will change if I print my own, but for now in the self-promo phase, I will make these loose designs. Unfortunately this also means, I don't LOVE the designs I've got out there. My redbubble is going to feel so mid. I'm so fucking poor right now though so I have to aim for the cents not dollars yet, work my way up. 

I've not sold anything on my redbubble yet. Why? Because I haven't advertised anything lol. I keep hoping that the people who like the maneki designs will somehow discover them organically. It doesn't really work that way though does it.

『バッハの旋律を夜に聴いたせいです。』

 

hastily done DD.
squeezed it in juuust before midnight.
i really like sakanaction. it's pretty good for almost depression music. like i'm not wading through the muck of depression, i'm not in that pit right now, but there's something nearby. that's my sensation listening to their music. it's like they get it.

I've finally, FINALLY, gotten the ball rolling on my redbubble. It's made me realise I need to develop my sense of design alongside my illustration aspirations. Drawing for whatever VS developing a design for a product has different principles. I think for years I had this sense that selling art like this was somehow selling out. That it compromises "real art" to do this. I haven't had this view regarding other artists, it somehow only applies to myself. Eariler this year I attended a local workshop/info seminar about starting your own business to sell art. It was aimed at ceramicists and fine artists, I felt like an absolute outsider as a wannabe digital illustrator, but welp there I was. I did take away some useful tips though, and one helpful affirmation: selling art as a product is a traditions that's been ongoing for centuries. Millenniums! So attempting to enter the market with my own shop isn't shamefully compromising some core principal of art, the speaker at the seminar called it noble. Which was... profound to me. Surely it's something that's been said before, but it was my first time hearing someone talk about it in that way. It's something I needed to hear, and I heard it at the right time in my life.

so there's RedBubble.

The current goal is to sell on Inprnt someday. I'm intimidated by the quality of art that's available on there already - a lot of artists I admire are on there, and it's daunting to imagine my art appearing alongside that level of skill and beauty. Also practically, I think anything I do couldn't hold a candle to their artworks, so who would buy my shit haha. Understandably! 

So I think, my roadmap to inprnt is to update my tumblr with shop updates and continue to upload my own non-sellable art (like fanart, anything I don't have the IP right to sell) and get more comfortable and familiar with that process. I signed up for Cara the other day, I don't really have a feel for what the climate is like there, so I think I might post shitty doodles and sketches that I don't want on my tumblr to there. At some point open a Ko-fi? There's a shop function there? At least I can drop my hat on a sidewalk there for folks to donate alms to if they like any fanart I do that caught their eye. That sounds so... bad. I dunno. That's still an uncomfortable idea, but I dunno, is that something to just overcome in the pursuit of art? I'm dipping into my savings every month to pay for things. Currently only working casual hours has been rough, especially now that it's getting colder. Putting off heating the house and keeping my grocery shopping to a bare minimum. I think I've only gotten food delivery a couple of times this year? It's just too expensive for my tight budget. But anyway, this is all just to say, it'd be good to have this time that I have to PROPERLY invest into working on developing my art and try to create things that people would be glad to buy. Product design is kind of exciting! It's so creative. I have to be honest with myself though - do I like the idea of it, or do I actually want to make the things. Like how I wanted to learn violin years ago. Do I actually want to play the violin or do I just like the idea of being able to play songs I like on the violin. I'm not passionate about playing any instrument. What if that's how I find that I feel about creative designy things. hhhh. i hope. i like it. so much. that i do it. in all my free time.